Matthew, while in bathroom, at potty time …

Matthew: (yelling) Mommy!

Me: Are you done?

Matthew: It’s not working.

Me: What’s the matter?

Matthew: It’s stuck.

Me: You got to push. You got to push really hard.

Matthew: It’s not working.

Me: Maybe later. All done now?

Matthew: No! Poopoo some more.

Moments later, repeat from start 5 times until he gives up. Sigh, if only I can poop for him.

Matthew has been potty trained. A few accidents here and there, but for #2, there has been no major setbacks. He is independent, would sit in the big potty and does his business without messes. He still needs assistance cleaning up and lot of reminders with washing and all, but he is there. #1 is another story. When he is busy, in a hurry or too excited, he thinks he can hold it, but he can not. So there’s lots of getting wet on his pants.

The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word unsaid. -Anonymous

I appreciate people who are thoughtful in their words; those who wouldn’t let unkind word slip through their tongues. I appreciate more those who have to gift of saying the right words – words that matter, words that help, uplifting words without being preachy, at exactly the right moment.

Words unsaid burns in the heart. Words unheard scars the soul. -Anonymous

I think it’s easier to shut up when there’s nothing good to say. The struggle has always been – saying what we mean in a manner that conveys our good intentions, especially when a criticism is involved; or when saying what we mean means a little bit of self exposure is needed or if it means risking self preservation or appearing silly and becoming vulnerable.

9 days to go and yes I am thinking about Valentines day!

At most, I’m thinking about the last valentines I’ve had. I think I need to browse through the photos of years past to verify if I’ve remembered correctly. I always mix up valentines day with my birthday.

My fondest valentine gift was a plant that hubby gave me. It thrived for years. If it wasn’t complicated to bring it here to the US from Japan, I would have brought it with us. I gave that plant along with my other plants to a friend, whom I know will take good care of it.

NOTE TO HUBBY: This is not a hint-hint that I specifically want something this coming valentines day. A kiss will do.

Soon there will be four, but right there’s three men in my life.

Hubby and Me. Photo taken on December 26, 2009

My loving hubby, Michael. He is more than I could ever ask for in a man, a husband, a father to our kids! I’m so glad I married him. While I was trying to find a recent picture of us together, I realized that we don’t take pictures of us as much anymore.

Matthew's Star Wars Tent. Thanks to Grandma for this fabulous Star Wars Tent.

Matthew, my little man. So adorable, with the sweetest smile. At 3-years-old, he has managed to melt my heart and drive me insane at the same time. No matter how old he gets, he’ll always be my baby.

This is me and my brother JC, on his way to the Senior's Ball. Photo taken on 2007 March 25.

The other man I’ve not written about so far is my baby brother, JC. But he is not a baby anymore. The last time I saw him was during my vacation in the Philippines in 2007. He was graduating high school then. He is pursuing college now.

We are a generation apart in age, 12-years age gap. When he was so young at a toddler age, it’s so funny that we, his big sisters and big cousins, would call him Kuya, which means older brother. I think he carried being called ‘big brother‘ very well. He grew up not getting in too much trouble, especially as a teenager. He grew up to be very observant but you’ll have to guess what goes on in his mind because he is not so outspoken, not too expressive.

He was in pre-school when I left home for college. As a big sister, I regret that I didn’t see him grow up. So I don’t know how much a positive influence I am for him. But he’ll always be my Kuya! I always love him and hope great things for him.

I just wanted to wash him a little bit, brush his teeth and get him ready for bed. It was a really long day of chasing Matthew with no nap time. I was feeling crappy, haven’t showered for days, my hips were hurting and my head was heavy with stuffy nose. And all he still wanted to do was to jump and down the bed, run around and make me chase him. He is in his most playful mood. While I wasn’t in the chasing mood!

I used my scariest voice, scariest face and even spanking him just to get him to settle down and listen and just do what I want – which was to get in the bathroom, stand still at the tub so I can wash him. But nothing I did worked. I was really frustrated. It seemed that he is even enjoying my frustration as part of his game, as he made me chase him again. He laughed everytime I wouldn’t catch him.

As I have managed to get a hold of him, literally dragging him to the bathroom, I was out of breath by his struggling to get off my tight hold. I was able to wash him but not too easily. The next task was to brush his teeth, but as soon as he was able to get off the tub, he ran off like he was happy to have escaped. He ran off towards the door and started slamming the door.

I just heard a ringing in my head at the slamming of the door. I told him to stop but he continued to do so. I was afraid he was going to place his other hand at the slamming door like he did earlier that day, so as soon as the door closed I locked the door. I was inside the bathroom by myself, while he was outside, yelling out ‘Mommy!’

I didn’t open the door. I was pacing myself, just hiding inside the bathroom. I was just so tired, that I started crying. I heard hubby’s voice from the outside then he opened the door. Somehow, him seeing me crying like that made my feel even worse, that I cried even more. I just wanted to brush his teeth and him ready for bed, so when he’s fallen asleep I can take a shower and hopefully feel better, but Matthew wasn’t cooperating and i was feeling really frustrated.

The rest of the night was easier with hubby’s presence but I couldn’t help my tears from falling down as I was brushing his teeth and putting his jammies on, while his lips were curled down like he was about to cry but preventing himself to cry. To his innocent mind he was only playing and having fun, but at that time, my poor baby was scared and absorbing my negative feelings.

Then hubby took him to his office, made him sit in the corner and not letting him play for slamming the door and not listening to mommy. I brought him his milk, then he dozed off while drinking his milk. Then he was off to bed, finally.

This happened a week ago. I was definitely not at my best as a mother. Frustration got the best of me. I had to cry.

The trust that others place in you is your grace.
- anonymous, Yogi tea

So many times, in the midst of having fun, I’ve forgotten to behave well.

So many times, because of my selfish tendencies, I wasn’t so nice.

So many times, in my sadness, I was unpleasant.

So many times, I’ve used anger as an excuse for being disrespectful.

So many times, … sigh.

—

I found this quote from Yogi tea. I was drinking this mayan spice chocolate flavored Yogi tea then I noticed the paper flap hanging by the mug. That paper you hold at the other end of the teabag, it has in it some messages of reflections like this.

What a delight! It’s like a fortune cookie, but it doesn’t give fortune but rather pieces of reflections. It turned out that all Yogi teabags have these messages of reflections, quotes, wisdom…

Is there any dish or food you won’t eat?

I have shared before that hubby don’t eat any dish that he knows and senses has ginger or pineapple on it. My 3-year old toddler, Matthew, is so picky with food that I really do have a problem feeding him something healthy!

I, on the otherhand, because I have a mild case of lactose intolerance, can’t have too much milk or ice cream. But I can’t think of any food I won’t eat based on taste. But, on regular days and moods, I don’t go crazy over desserts or anything sweet. I usually go for chips and salsa over cakes. What I would hesitate to eat too are those with thick sticky texture – those that when you eat it, it feels like it’s going to get stuck in the throat – any food like too much cool whip, whipped cream, cake frosting/icing, dumpling, etc.

I won’t dismiss any food or drinks topped with whipped cream but you won’t see scooping the whipped cream to eat it. You’d rather see me mixing it up thoroughly or scrapping it off if there’s a lot of it. And, whenever I see people eating whipped cream straight from a can, I feel like choking.

So I saw the doctor and had our 4D ultrasound!

I don’t know if I have gestational diabetes yet. I will find out if the doctors calls in a few days. In the meantime, I will eat whatever I want! But I am measuring well. The baby is about 3-pounds now, and his heartbeat is strong.

The 4D ultrasound is exciting. Just don’t think how much it cost, but oh well, it’s so worth it. We didn’t have a hard time finding the baby’s little winky. I’ve been saying, he’s a flasher! But he kept covering his face with both hands and a foot! His hand would cover his mouth and nose, and one foot would cover his forehead or nose. I had to twist and turn a few times hoping that he’ll move a little bit and show his face but, no! We got lucky though when he partially shows his face.

Of course, hubby and Matthew didn’t miss it! Matthew was identifying the parts of the baby’s face. We saw him pout his lips, open his eyes and curl his forehead like he’s showing an attitude. We saw his little nose, which we kept saying that, just like Matthew, the baby too, got mommy’s nose! But he’ll still be cute, just like Matthew. (LOL)

It has been more and more apparent that Matthew is aware of his baby brother and is so ready for him. Everyday, he ask me while touching my belly, “Baby brother want to play?“. And we tell him, “He’s not ready yet. He still needs to cook inside mommy’s belly.“

At one time, about a week ago, I was using the bathroom, sitting in the toilet, doing my business, and then Matthew slid open the door. And then, in all seriousness in his face, he asked me, “Is baby brother coming out now?“. I was stunned. I told him, “No. baby. It’s not time yet!“. Then he closed the door.

It was the first time he asked me that. And I am still wondering how and where he got the idea to ask me that while I was in the bathroom.

Drinking Warm Milk with a Straw. Photo taken on Jan 22, 2010. Click photo to enlarge photo.

I don’t know what it is about milk that Matthew had a hard time drinking it from a glass when he drinks everything else, water, juice, smoothie, from a cup even before he turned 1! He had always been drinking regular whole milk from a milk bottle, but I am happy to announce that it has been more than a week since the last time Matthew had his milk in a milk bottle. I have hidden the milk bottles away from his sight, and we have been using a regular glass or the sippy bottle with straw to drink his milk. Although, he didn’t exactly throw himself crying over his milk bottles, it wasn’t exactly easy to get him to drink milk from a cup/glass. At most times, he would still specify he wants milk on a bottle. I’d say ‘NO’, give his milk in a glass, and put a straw on it. And he is fine. Somehow, the straw made the transition easier for him. Also, the milk has got to be warm too. It’s easier and quicker for him to finish warm milk than cold milk.

About food, I got to be honest! I think I have to stretch my creativity when feeding him! He only eats – macaroni and cheese, noodles, plain pasta, bread, pancakes, cheese, eggs and that’s it! NO hamburger, hotdog, chicken, nuggets, fried chicken, fruits or vegetables, etc.!

At one time, I sneaked in a few green beans in his macaroni and cheese. Spoon-fed him while he was watching cartoons. I carefully placed mac-and-cheese on top of the spoon while hiding the green beans. Halfway He didn’t have a problem until he strategically spit out a few green beans to his hand, and told me – “Mommy, there’s dirt!”. I wanted to laugh about how he has caught up with my tricks but didn’t want him to see me laughing at his remark. I just told him “It’s not dirt, eat it!”. He didn’t want to eat anymore after that. If only the green beans wasn’t green but yellow, so it can camouflage itself better with the mac-and-cheese! If only green beans can take the taste of mac-and-cheese, maybe that would have worked!