This is current events but maybe not too current anymore!

On Monday August 23, a disgruntled former senior inspector from the Manila Police District hijacked a tour bus carrying 25 tourists from Hong Kong in an attempt to get his job back. He said that he was summarily dismissed without the opportunity to properly defend himself, and that all he wanted was a fair hearing.

As a result of the ten-hour siege, the ensuing shootout, and a botched rescue attempt by Philippine national police watched by millions on live television news, eight of the hostages died and nine other people were injured. [Read more.]

I’m really a true Filipino by heart. I am so embarrassed and disheartened by an event like this, that puts the Philippines in bad light. I’m so sad with what happened, how tragic it ended.

The mistakes done by those who were supposed in-charge of the situation were overwhelmingly so obvious, and SO DUMB! It was a BIG show of arrogance, disorganization and ineffectiveness of the Philippine Government and Philippine National Police; and of how obscenely irresponsible and abusive the local media had become.

Not to mention, the event further exposed the underlying corruption in the Philippines and how slow the Philippine System is! Sigh! It’s so frustrating.

No matter how the government and the police justify themselves by saying they did all they could do, their actions will always be evaluated by the terrible outcome. And the media, there will never be any justification for their irresponsible sensationalized programming.

I can only hope that time will heal all wounds of the surviving victims especially and the loved-ones of those who died; And that the Philippines will rise up from this major, major embarrassment.

On a lighter note, later on the day of the hostage crisis, an upset for Miss Philippines in the Miss Universe 2010 Pageant in Las Vegas.

If not for the unfair question of “What is the biggest mistake that you’ve ever made in your life and what did you do to make it right?”, she could have stolen the Miss Universe Crown.

How exactly do you answer that question? The first part of the question is not even a matter of opinion. It needs serious pondering and soul searching. I don’t think anyone can ever have an effective answer by pondering on a mistake, a negative subject, in their entire lives in a whopping 3-seconds, especially after an exciting, very positive moment – being called in as one of the Top-5, in front of up roaring crowd. However, if she have focus more on the second part of the question instead by answering it in general, she’d probably have a better answer.

Congratulation to Miss Philippines, Venus Raj, for winning 4th Runner up Miss Universe 2010.

This is in response to a friend’s blog post, After Omphaloskepsis. I tried commenting but it became too long that I thought I’d just link it up in my blog.

To Stephen and all,

1 -

From the time I knew you, I never thought of you as an underdog! You just don’t reflect that, or maybe you are just not that – an underdog, a doormat, etc …

I perceive myself neither as an underdog, nor as a champion. I am anti-popular!

2 -

I don’t dream much of a paradise, but I do dream of winning the lottery!

Your dream of a paradise in a quiet beach, all by yourself, etc.- That’s easy! Just isolate yourself and you’ll have it.

My dream is harder. Although, I buy lottery tickets, I still have to beat the odds! If only that is something I can plan.

3 -

The truth is – nobody likes a 2nd-rate performance! Even if you are a genius or truly talented and the work you do is maybe above standard, and even if you get the approval and applause of your peers, if you didn’t put it all your best, you can never be truly happy with yourself no matter which path you have taken – whether you have pursued your dreams or whether you have placed your dreams aside and braved a real job.

Just like on anything else in life, the best way into putting all your best is to constantly choose to, to make a conscious decision to do so and act on it.

4 -

Although I do not blog everything in my life, it doesn’t mean I am less truthful about the things that I do blog about. But you are right! Writing about the ‘glass being half full’ makes me internalize it more and keeps my sanity in check, as what blogging has always been to me.

About the ‘glass being half empty’ – although, sometimes it makes a good blog post, most of the time I feel that it too shall pass and doesn’t need any more attention. I call that – staying at the bright side of life, optimism … and not lingering on the negatives.

5 -

And no, I don’t think I have ever meditated on my belly button or navel area before while I wasn’t pregnant. I’m sure meditating on a pregnant belly is another matter …

The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word unsaid. -Anonymous

I appreciate people who are thoughtful in their words; those who wouldn’t let unkind word slip through their tongues. I appreciate more those who have to gift of saying the right words – words that matter, words that help, uplifting words without being preachy, at exactly the right moment.

Words unsaid burns in the heart. Words unheard scars the soul. -Anonymous

I think it’s easier to shut up when there’s nothing good to say. The struggle has always been – saying what we mean in a manner that conveys our good intentions, especially when a criticism is involved; or when saying what we mean means a little bit of self exposure is needed or if it means risking self preservation or appearing silly and becoming vulnerable.

The trust that others place in you is your grace.
- anonymous, Yogi tea

So many times, in the midst of having fun, I’ve forgotten to behave well.

So many times, because of my selfish tendencies, I wasn’t so nice.

So many times, in my sadness, I was unpleasant.

So many times, I’ve used anger as an excuse for being disrespectful.

So many times, … sigh.

—

I found this quote from Yogi tea. I was drinking this mayan spice chocolate flavored Yogi tea then I noticed the paper flap hanging by the mug. That paper you hold at the other end of the teabag, it has in it some messages of reflections like this.

What a delight! It’s like a fortune cookie, but it doesn’t give fortune but rather pieces of reflections. It turned out that all Yogi teabags have these messages of reflections, quotes, wisdom…

Happiness is the capacity to feel deeply, enjoy fully, think freely, love truly and be needed. – Unknown

The very first time I’ve heard this quote is from my high school Math teacher. Actually, I’ve not heard or read these lines ever repeated by anyone else. She’s not a very well-liked teacher by the students. But then, I don’t think there is ever a Math teacher who is liked at all. But she’s actually nice and I’ll always remember her for this quote on happiness.

I’ve repeated these lines a few times to myself most especially, when I’m feeling insecure and depressed. I tell myself that – my capacity to feel deeply depressed is reason enough to be happy. Make sense to me. I hope it makes sense to you.

Answer to the prayer of a man experiencing great trials: Be still and take it! . . . and learn patience, humility and gratitude. – unknown

With all the earthquates and tsunamis, and the terrorism happening in our lifetime, I feel humbled and grateful that I am still alive today and enjoying the pleasures of life.

Having lived my early years in the south of Philippines, I have quite an exposure to maybe mild case of terrorism. I am proud of the city that I came from but I can not deny that there were/are cases of bombings and acts of terrorism. Believe it or not, the reason why hubby and I did not get married in my hometown in the Philippines, which I would have preferred, is because my hometown is restricted to tourist especially Americans.

Also, there was a time in my high school years when some policemen were in the school as additional security during school hours because of bomb threats. It was also strongly discouraged then to go to malls and movie theaters because of bombing threats and attempts. As a teenager, I felt defiant of this restrictions to go out that I reasoned out that if I was to die, then it was my time. But then older and wise cousin, asked me “What if a bomb went off and you were there, you won’t die but just lose a leg, wouldn’t you wish you have taken precautions just by not going out during this critical time? ” I was dumbfounded. I was naive.

I’m grateful that I have so far no first hand experience to bombings or anything similar. And I continually pray that it remains that way not just for me, but to my loved ones as well; and that all this terrorism all over the world will just stop.

Then I came to Japan. One of the first things I’ve learned about Japan is that the whole country is earthquake prone. Japan is basically a big rock , surrounded by water, sitting, actually almost floating, on top of larger blocks of rocks (tectonic plates), that are constantly in motion underwater. And yet, within the 8 or so years that I lived in Japan, although there have been lots of reported instances of light earthquakes in the region where I was, I can remember only one time when I actually felt an earthquake. It was brief and not at all shattering or devastating, but it was alarming enough for me. And this earthquake in Haiti – Hubby was in Haiti years ago, but last week when the earthquake happened, he was here with me.

I can’t even imagine how the victims are feeling over these devastating times. And I am embarrassed to admit that it almost always take their trials for me to look at my life and feel humbled, more appreciative and grateful. Thus I pray …

O Lord that lends me life,
(At all times) Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness.
~William Shakespeare

I am in my 26th-week of pregnancy to our 2nd baby. With this pregnancy and before, I have undergone a few prenatal screenings. I complied with the screening tests that are non-invasive to the fetus like ultrasound and blood tests from pricking my fingers and a few tubes of blood drawn from me. I am grateful that although we had a few concerns before, we didn’t have to go further than that.

Basically the purpose of prenatal screenings is to find out about the fetus condition before being born. We find out the baby’s gender and if the vital organs are measuring and functioning well. With the 4D ultrasound, you can even see how the baby looks like. Also, some screenings gives the baby’s odds against down syndrome, spinal spifida, some chromosomal defects and developmental complications, among others. All the literature explaining prenatal screenings always suggest that there is no guarantee, that the odds doesn’t always tell the exact condition of the fetus but then they can tell an educated estimate.

As much as the screenings tell about the fetus, it also tells the position of the fetus in the womb, whether a normal deliviery is posible or a C-section is needed. Or if the fetus is developing in the uterus or elsewhere, like the fallopian tube.

If the preliminary prenatal screenings suggest fatal concerns then a more invasive screenings like Amniocentesis and others will be suggested. Amniocentesis involves taking a sample of the amniotic fluid by injecting the pregnant woman’s belly and sucking out the fluid. This screening process has a high risk to harm the fetus that may lead to miscarriage. Or ultimately, an option to terminate the pregnancy will be suggested.

What a terrible situation it will be when you have to make these difficult decision to undergo invasive procedures that may be harmful to the baby or to terminate the pregnancy. I know a few women who have terminated their pregnancy because of serious concerns and complications. Some of them have a fallopian tube pregnancy that they really didn’t have a choice. I know a few who found out that the fetus has developmental complications and had decided to terminate their pregnancy.

My heart swells in sadness for these babies who have been victims of these bad situations. And what about the moms and dads who have to make this difficult decision? I’m sure they’ve become so conflicted and so sad as well.

When we did the 20th-week ultrasound, they found what they thought is a choroid plexus cyst in our baby. I asked my OB over and over different forms of the questions ‘Is my baby alright?’. Over and over, he told me that the baby’s fine and that there is no indication of anything wrong. I did more research, googled about it. Nothing about the condition suggest any fatality or serious concern, that the condition is even quite normal, but it was still discomforting to alarming because of it’s association to some defects. Ultimately, I just wanted to hear “100% alright“, “100% normal ” but it just wasn’t the case and my OB just can’t tell me anything more. When I told my mother about this, she asked me if I’ve slipped or fell down, or skipped my vitamins or if something happened to complicate this pregnancy. But really this wasn’t the case. Then, we did the targeted ultrasound, still non-invasive procedure. What a relief it was, that the cyst is gone. We are back on track.

During those days of waiting for our appointment for the targeted ultrasound, I kept telling myself that the baby is alright and the ultrasound will confirm that, but at the back of my mind, there is that lingering ‘what if ‘. I honestly don’t know what I will do if those ‘what if’s ‘ were realized. Would we undergo the invasive screenings? I really don’t know. Hubby and I never really discussed about it. We basically comforted each other by a brief “The baby’s fine. It’s going to be alright. ” And just really prayed and hope for the best.

During those times, I asked myself why we had to undergo these screenings. We could have skipped them, not know and just hope for the best, just like they did in the days. Then we won’t have to worry about these ridiculous stuffs, just accept what comes ’cause we’ll deal with the situation we’ll have anyway. When we go looking for something, we shouldn’t be too surprise to find it. We did the screening to find out about the baby’s defects, we shouldn’t be too surprised to actually find something, when we can’t even be absolutely sure until the baby is born. Somehow, I questioned the relevance of these screening test because I dreaded the ‘what-if’s‘ and the decisions I have to make if these what-if’s were realized. And I dreaded all those other concerns that streams from it – like having a special-needs child. I dreaded to have to ask myself if I will be capable of that extra care and patience that a special needs child needs.

But then, these screening tests has been proven more helpful. If the pregnancy or the baby’s development is more complicated than normal and you go through with the pregnancy, then proper preparations can be made during delivery. The baby and the mommy will be given the specific care they need.

On our next appointment, my blood will be tested for glucose. We will find out if I have gestational diabetes. I had gestational diabetes while I was pregnant with Matthew, and it wasn’t fun! The dangers of gestational diabetes is that the baby may grow too big and disproportional in the womb, that a complicated delivery may result, among others. While I was pregnant with Matthew and with gestational diabetes, I had to see a nutritionist to plan my meals and food intake into proper portions. I had so many food restrictions. I had my blood sugar level checked by pricking my fingers for blood every after meals (that’s 3-times a day ). Aside from my OB, I had to see a specialist from Internal Medicine for routine check-up, really mostly for lecturing me ’cause I couldn’t get my sugar level down. It was really hard! I cried to my OB because the food portions were too little, I was hungry all the time and was really frustrated that my sugar level just won’t drop. But somehow, I got through with it without insulin shots. Matthew was born healthy on a normal delivery.

Also, on our next appointment, we’ll have the 4D ultrasound. We will see more clearly how the baby looks like. With that, I am excited!

2009 had come and gone! What a wonderful year it has been. And now another year has began.

We didn’t do much to welcome the year. We just stayed home, had homecook meals and watched DVDs. But hubby did a lot of organizing since we came back from Florida. He organized Matthew’s toys and our stuffs at the garage. Matthew’s toys took much of our space that it felt good to reclaim some space after hubby got rid of the broken toys and set aside those he does not play with anymore. He also organized some of the baby stuffs that we still had and got them ready for the baby. I joked around that he is nesting! What I did was get out of his way. I know I wouldn’t be much help because I will hinder him from throwing away stuffs and I will slow him down. I had a few cleaning done. It’s great that we had a few organizing and general cleaning done before the new year started!

As for our plans, goals and resolutions this year,… Well, I am not the kind who makes new year’s resolutions, nor the kind who complies to the resolutions I make. But I make plans and goals and hope for the best.

This year, I can’t really make any travel plans with a baby on the way. But I plan to have more practice hours on the road driving, if only hubby will let me drive. I can already see him smirking and hear him say “Yeah right! Good luck with that!” But with a baby on the way will make it two babies in tow, I don’t know how much enthusiasm I will have to go out anyway, much less to drive.

For Matthew, I hope that early this year, or at most before the baby is born, he will be weaned from the milk bottle. Yes! The secret is out. At 3-years old, Matthew still drinks milk from the bottle. It’s the first thing he does in the morning and last thing he does before going to bed. It took me a long time to wean him from breastfeeding. And I had been trying to wean him from the milk bottle since the start of last year but I hadn’t been very consistent. I hope I’d be more consistent this year especially since another baby is coming along.

I also plan on helping him learn personal hygiene – have him get used to the toothpaste and brushing his teeth on a regular basis; and get him put on his clothes by himself. We’ve started encouraging him to do them by himself by saying his a big boy now, his a big brother now, etc… but he’s really not there yet!

I plan on getting Matthew involved in some preschool activities this year with other kids his age. I hope there will be a lot of opportunities for that. I know he is going to like that!

As for hubby, I hope he gets a more rest from work, regain the once a month weekend-off or more, and that his work will continue to be smooth sailing.

As for myself, I hope to be more prepared emotionally and physically for our second baby. I hope I can get everything and everyone prepared, too, including the rest of the family. I mean, we are all excited, but we should be also be prepared, right?

Oh, and I also plan, err hope, on winning the lottery (if only that is something we can plan) so that we can own a adequate-sized lakeside house in the suburb, a boat for hubby; and so that we can help family and friends who are financially struggling, and just concentrate on raising a family.

We were in Florida to celebrate Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Coming to Florida promises a welcomed break from work for hubby and for me and Matthew too. Somehow, I feel that Matthew needs to be with other people aside from myself to interact with, like my mother-in-law, who always welcomes a chance to take care of him personally.

We arrived Florida on Saturday, about 5-days before Thanksgiving Day, a little earlier than when we could have planned to come if I didn’t have an appointment to renew my passport at a Philippine Consulate in Fort Lauderdale, Miami on Monday. So on my appointment day, from my in-laws place, hubby and I drove south to Miami for almost 3 hours. Matthew stayed with his Grandma and Grandpa.

I have to specifically mention how hubby puts up with me being so dependent on him to go to places. He has to drive me around and has to put up with my silly questions while we are driving. But he is always so gracious to drive me around and do these favors for me. Well he really doesn’t have a choice, does he?

We reached the Philippine Consulate early. I asked hubby to just stay at the car because of the limited waiting area and I know he can do a lot more while waiting in the car with his iPhone. Actually he watched a movie while waiting in the car. One of the perks of his iPhone, which he is so happy about.

Anyway, while I was waiting for my appointment, I met this Filipino lady, who is also there to renew her passport. I think she’s younger than me if she’s not almost my age and she works in IT field in Orlando, Florida. We talked about coming to America; Tokyo’s high cost of living; how we both got to Miami – she flew while I(we) drove; about what’s obvious like my pregnancy, and that we are both married and she had to be off work just to be there; and other random stuffs.

Our appointment went on fine. She was served before me so she left before I did. I wanted to pass her my email address and my facebook profile so we can somehow keep in touch but the flow of events just prevented me to. Oh well! After my appointment was done, hubby and I drove back. We were anxious for a little bit of quality time together. We had Italian for hearty dinner at Olive Garden. Then we reached home first while Matthew and my in-laws weren’t home yet from visiting friends. So hubby and I welcomed more quality time alone together until they arrived.

My mother-in-law was so proud of Matthew’s behavior. He behaved really well for the whole day and that he charmed everyone! The rest of the evening went on fine. I had a chance to check my email and online stuffs. Hubby attempted to finish the movie Kill Bill: Vol 2 on TV but he couldn’t (so sleepy) so we headed to bed, with Matthew co-sleeping with us. I think we all slept right away. We all had a full day including Matthew, who occasionally plays first before going to sleep but that time – he didn’t. The next thing I remember is waking up from a very vivid strange dream.

In my dream, I was in a plane with college acquaintances. They are all engineers already, looking for a better job in the field. One of them is telling everyone that he is going to this city to apply for a job. And then the other one turned his attention on me. He said that he heard that I was doing good working for Epson in Japan so he is curious what I was doing there. I simply said I quit my job and that I am looking for a job myself. And then on a split second, I was at my mother’s house, telling her that I was going to that city to apply for a job there because I’ve heard that there are good engineering jobs there. While I was talking to her, I felt so bad as if I’ve had no job for a long time and that I had been living off of her; and that I am resolved to make amends. Still in my dream, I am trying so hard to complete my resume. I was stuck with putting names as my references, but all I could write are my managers and colleagues from Epson. It has been years since I left Epson, and I was trying to remember what I did after that to add into my resume. In my dream I felt so problematic that there’s a big time gap since my time in Epson. What I did since Epson, I just could not remember! Then all of a sudden, I felt a kick in my face. I woke up from that dream with Matthew’s foot on my face. He was trying to lie down across hubby and me on top of our head pillow, that in so doing, his foot landed on my face while he was head to head with his daddy.

I got up about 5:00 am! I was just too awake from that strange dream. And I know where it stemmed from – from that lady at the consulate. She is seemingly at the top of her IT career like I was when I was a Software Developer in Epson. And I didn’t even mentioned to her that I was once in the same career field as she is. All I’ve mentioned is that we moved from Tokyo, that I met and married my husband in Japan. I left it to her to assume whatever I did in Japan. The thing is – I really don’t talk much about myself – only about what’s current and obvious. But while talking to her, I had wondered what it would have been like if I pursued my career field. But that thought was easily scratched off my mind when we parted ways. Somehow my subconscious brought that thought back in my sleep…

Funny how Matthew’s kick literally pulled me back to my reality, to remind me that I am a wife and mother now; and the choices I’ve made. Since my career as Software Developer for Epson, I got married. After which I’ve concentrated on having a family that while trying, waiting to be pregnant, I chose to work nearby as IT Support at Yokota Airbase – something less lucrative than Software Developer. Then we had Matthew and had been a stay-at-home mom since then. And then, just as I thought Matthew is old enough that I have started to take steps to get back slowly – careerwise, I am pregnant again. I am quite sure that I would be happily taking the same choices for this 2nd baby – to be there personally, and having to give up my desires for a career, financial independence, etc …

I honestly have no regrets and I could easily move on because I believe that – in life, whatever you end up choosing, there’s always something that’s gotta give! It’s just that for me, there are some days when it’s tougher to reconcile with some of the things I have given up for the choices I made.

I’m on my 16 weeks and a few days. My belly has that small bulge already, but some of my pants still fit well so my belly is still relatively not too obvious.

We went to see the doctor yesterday on a routine appointment. He assured me that all the numbers are good, and that my belly not showing yet could probably stay this way until about 20-22 weeks.

So I went on with today. I’m feeling totally sluggish. It has been cold lately, my sinus is killing me and … Matthew decided to wake up so early this morning! I’m just being so lazy today,.. just sitting in front of the computer – clicking around, a few chatting with my sister, and sometimes, sitting at the couch flickering the remote for whatever shows that would interest me. I’m completely ignoring the laundry or Matthew’s toys all over the floor.

And all thoughtout the day, I had been feeling this little tapping from the inside. It’s very subtle sensation – little tappings .. like there’s a butterfly trapped inside between my pelvic bones. I was sure from the first time I felt this that it’s not hunger or gas… that it is the baby, because I felt it before when I was 5-months pregnant with Matthew. I had been looking forward to this, to feel this baby for the first time. It’s such a wonderful feeling! It a confirmation of the life growing inside me. And it just amazes me that this time around, I felt it a few weeks earlier. Each time I felt it, it brings smile to my face. Unfortunately, it doesn’t relieve my sinus problems.

When I was carrying Matthew, the first time I felt him move inside me it was a crappy day as well. I was still working then. I remember not feeling well. I rested my head on my desk then I felt that little tappings. Then I felt it again, then again, until I was sure it was Matthew. That was enough to lift my spirit then.

Of course, it won’t feel like little butterflies anymore as the baby gets bigger. The kicks won’t feel like tappings anymore. But even then, even if it goes with pain, I may complain, but I’m certain it’ll still feel absolutely wonderful.